My homosexual feelings began in primary school when I had a crush on our class captain, Paul. This was confirmed during my first year at an all boys school, but it wasn't until my final year that I ever expressed my sexual identity to anyone other than myself (my mother, on Mother's Day, but that's another story to tell). To the outside world, a person's coming out is a one time experience, because they only come out to you once. But really, it's a continual process, first to yourself, then to others, perhaps slowly or in one big go. But it continues every time you meet someone new. It happens with every new work colleague, every new acquaintance, and every niece or nephew who reaches a certain age when they release that Uncle Adam and Uncle Steve sleep in the same room.
Every time you come out, there is a risk, hopefully ever diminishing, that you will face awkwardness, disgust, rejection, discrimination or violence. There can also be no reaction at all, or happiness as closer connections are built. But most importantly, each time you come out, you affirm your own identity. You declare yourself as who you are as you express it to the person next to you or to the world at large. It's thanks to coming out that I'm a more confident person, that I've also been able to come out as a Linux geek, or as someone who thinks bacon is not the best meat ever. For someone who is relatively private and introverted, being gay has made me come out of my shell, and I am all the better for it.
I'm also lucky that I've grown up in an environment that has been extremely accepting of homosexuality. Decriminalisation of homosexuality, anti-discrimination laws, Will & Grace, Brokeback Mountain, Mardi Gras, and, most importantly, a family that treasures love and wellbeing over religion or social acceptance. That is not to say that I haven't encountered some homophobia in my life. One night in Canberra, my partner and I were holding hands in public, and a group of teens became following us, throwing rocks our way (but not at us). We walked faster and stopped at a bus stop, confronting them and calling the police. There are still places where I don't hold hands with my partner, where I walk a bit faster than I normally would. And I overhear people say fag, or poof, or 'it's just not right'.
It upsets me, but this is nothing compared to what others have experienced, particularly in the Global South. Social and workplace discrimination, denial of essential health services, physical violence, jail and death by stonings. It is unacceptable. I cannot imagine what gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people must feel in such environments. There is so much to be done to end homophobia, so much research, awareness raising, education, advocacy, and lobbying to be done. But it starts with speaking up, telling your story and taking a stance against homophobia and transphobia.
So that's my story. What is yours?
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